Well douche your snatch and let's go!
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
