He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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