so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
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