youre lurking in front of me
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just want to make out with him forever
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
