The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
ugly people sure do ruin things
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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