So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
