I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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