im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
