If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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