you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
