I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
