Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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