I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
