I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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