Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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