My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
