i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I met the friendliest cop last night
zippers are such a cool invention
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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