Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
