They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
