i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I just found puke in my bra..
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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