Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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