please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
