thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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