i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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