Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
