can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
