i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
