anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Randomize
