good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
