mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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