True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
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