nut hugger
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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