You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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