Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
