Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
