Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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