i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Randomize
