Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
