i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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