when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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