currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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