i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
