im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
