Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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