Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
