i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
