it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
