You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
