so that wasnt chicken after all
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Randomize
