he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
